your Godphone is okay


A very good checklist on developing trust in your own spiritual path.
Sometimes a lemon is a lemon.
Sometimes a lemon is everything.

Originally posted on Loki's Bruid:

Today’s post is begat by some “never trust your godphone, it takes years to develop” type posts floating around on the interwebs. I’m not picking on anyone in particular because I can’t even tell you which one I saw, just that it annoyed me into telling a friend that I felt like that attitude is demeaning and that telling someone to disbelieve all their UPG is to undermine their trust and relationship in the Divine. I also expressed to said friend that I felt like saying that was a losing battle, because so many people drink that kool-aid right from the start. Hel, I drank that kool-aid initially, y’all.

I was rewarded with a dream of Spirit Worker school where everyone was handed out adult diapers. “Put ‘em on, you’re gonna need ‘em.”

“I don’t understand why we need these…I mean, won’t they be uncomfortable? And for number two, it’ll…

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Tori Amos, Father Lucifer

“I’ve always said that Lucifer understands love better than anybody.”
“Some of my girlfriends-liberal London girls-had a problem with the idea that I was writing a song called ‘Father Lucifer.’ One of them heard it and cried and said, ‘You made him so beautiful,’ and I said, ‘What if he is beautiful?’”
~Tori Amos

Lucifer’s Beauty



Paul Fryer is the artist of the above statue. When I posted the link to the article, several of my friends lamented that he isn’t beautiful. So here’s a small testament to Lucifer’s Beauty.



Chaire Cathédrale Liège,

My mom told me as a child that Lucifer was beautiful, that he was the most beautiful angel, that he was a great gentleman, and that he was smooth as silk. She told me he defied God, so he was thrown out of heaven. Now, as a 5 year old, I knew that you just didn’t throw out the most beautiful. The most beautiful one was the best one, and you kept the best one. (You also kept the least beautiful one, but for entirely different reasons…) I dreamt of meeting Lucifer, the most beautiful angel, because he was the most beautiful.


Lucifer by Franz von Stuck

The first Satanist I ever met (I don’t believe Satan and Lucifer are the same, but for the moment, let’s pretend) was a co-worker of my dad. I played Candyland with him when I was 4, we had him to dinner. He was just kind and patient, and loving. When I was 15 I found out that he was a “devil worshipper” and now recall the Baphomet tattoo and the odd pendant. He had kind eyes and was from Budapest, I believe. Point is, I loved him, and he loved me, his beliefs didn’t make him inherently evil.


Aede Chan

This I never knew.
“Joseph Campbell (1972: pp. 148–149) illustrates an unorthodox Islamic reading of Lucifer’s fall from Heaven, which champions Lucifer’s eclipsing love for God:

One of the most amazing images of love that I know is in Persian – a mystical Persian representation as Satan as the most loyal lover of God. You will have heard the old legend of how, when God created the angels, he commanded them to pay worship to no one but himself; but then, creating man, he commanded them to bow in reverence to this most noble of his works, and Lucifer refused – because, we are told, of his pride. However, according to this Muslim reading of his case, it was rather because he loved and adored God so deeply and intensely that he could not bring himself to bow before anything else, and because he refused to bow down to something inferior to him (since he was made of fire, and man from clay). And it was for that that he was flung into Hell, condemned to exist there forever, apart from his love.”
Isn’t that what hell is? To be separated from the Beloved? My heart breaks for Lucifer, light bringer. God knows, I love a Beast. 
Pietro Calvi
So while I haven’t worked with him enough to consider myself a Luciferian, he does have a place in my heart, and will always be welcome. Besides, when you’re as venusian as I am, you don’t pick and choose. he comes with the territory.
Viggo Mortensen as Lucifer

Scentual Education

Because life has been challenging, I’m writing to celebrate something I adore and that brings me joy: scent. I love scent in all its forms, essential oils, natural perfumes (I only use natural products), cleaning products, meals cooking, incense. Here are some scents that changed my life, and the lessons I have learned from them.

When I was a child, my mom had a bottle of Anais, Anais. She wore it only on special occasions. At four I decided that I would never, ever go a day without smelling beautiful. Whether it is a scented bath, scented sheets, a flower in my hair, an essential oil dispersed into a room, I experience scented glory every day.



Ylang Ylang- a tropical flower from the Philippines with a sincere scent. I was in a store walking down an aisle, when a bottle of ylang leapt from the shelf and broke at my feet, releasing it’s scent. A worker looked at me and said “I saw that. You should buy a bottle.”

I did, but I totally forgot about it until I received a single note sample vial in the mail. No return address, no note and nothing else in the padded envelope. Ylang is heady, complex and striking.  Ylang is used in aromatherapy as an aphrodisiac, anti-depressant, and both a relaxant and a stimulant. The flowers are strewn upon the beds of newly married couples in Indonesia.

Ylang makes me feel as if I am on a South East Asian vacation. As if I am doing yoga on a Balinese coast by firelight. It makes me feel divine and feminine. I look for it as an ingredient in scents, and use the essential oil mainly for bathing and diffusion.


Vanilla- Vanilla comes from Mexican vanilla orchids, originally and comes from the root of the plant. It has been cultivated since the time of Pre-Colombian South Americans. Currently the plants are mainly hand pollinated, which leads to vanillas high price.

I adore both orchids and vanilla. It makes me feel safe, protected, and I believe no evil can withstand its glorious presence. It has an almost universal appeal, and is used as an anti-depressant, aphrodisiac, and relaxant.


Jasmine- From the olive family, Jasmine is an intensely scented night blooming flower. I first noticed jasmine as a neighbor’s bush, When I got home from dance classes, I could smell it a block from home. Jasmine oil is very expensive, but a generous friend gave me a bottle. It doesn’t smell good in the bottle, it smells dense, heavy and oppressive. It has to be diluted to smell heavenly.

Jasmine is not distilled into an oil, its an enfleurage, meaning that flowers are repeatedly put into a base oil and strained until the desired concentration is achieved.  It’s used in aromatherapy to calm the nervous system and assist in menstrual difficulties. It’s a magical process, the flowers are gathered in the late evening when they release their scents.

Jasmine is an easy scent to enjoy. It can be found in green tea, lotions, soaps and incenses.

Chanel No 5- I wanted a bottle desperately. It was the scent of Marilyn Monroe, after all. It was also the first major scent created in a lab, with aldehydes. I finally got a bottle of the parfum from a boyfriend, only to be disappointed, not by it’s classic scent, but by the fact that they still use musk from civet cats kept in Africa in horrible conditions to create it. There is artificial civet musk available, but the Chanel company won’t use it.

This was the first experience I ever had where my ideals didn’t allow me to enjoy a product.

Tabu- Tabu was the first perfume I ever wanted. All my friends were wearing these Calgon sprays and Love’s Baby Soft, but Tabu smelled like root beer and came in a beautiful violin shaped bottle. I felt so adult, so lady like and mature.

 Savannah Gardens-Crabtree and Evelyn had star jasmine as it’s main note.It smelled like drinking iced tea on the set of “Steel Magnolias” at sunset.  I went through a Macy’s and a salesgirl tried to convince me that whatever she was pushing was the only Star Jasmine scent on the market. It was the first time I knew that I knew more than the salesgirl. This was also the first time that a scent I adored was discontinued. I miss it like a lover.

Venus Oil, by Randy of The Sword and the Rose, San Francisco. We lost Randy, recently in a fire. He was a devotee of Asherah, and I found that gave him a clear understanding of Venus, which Asherah is associated with. I loved it more than all his other scents. I wore it each Friday for months. I’d check the rising and setting of Venus and apply it then. I adore Venusian powers and energies and will always appreciate Randy’s work.

Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal-Possets. This perfume is everything that I have ever wanted in an Oriental. There is a full bottle of it on its way to me right now. It has ylang which I mentioned earlier, and is the first scent that ever caused me to accept patchouli. It is the first perfume that caused me (briefly) to believe I could get rid of all others. I adore it. It’s everything. I could almost commit to this one.


Courtesy; wikipedia

Serengeti-Heaven and Earth Essentials. Discontinued, sadly. It has an, African orchid as its main note. Orchids are my favorite flowers, so wearing this is always a treat. This is the perfume that I have gotten the most compliments on, the most memorable of which was “You should always smell like that.” from a complete stranger. It is heavenly, unobtrusive, womanly, and unique. I really wish I could get some more.

Poison-Christian Dior- I tried to wear this because my first husband loved it. I hated it. It was medicinal, acidic, expensive, and made me feel like I was decades older than I was. I appreciated other Dior perfumes, not that I owned any, but I had tried them. The bottle was still nearly full when I left him. I left it in his medicine cabinet in case his next lover liked it.

Madame X-Possets Musky, creamy, close to the skin, I have adored Madame for years. Inspired by John Singer Sargent’s notorious painting of socialite Virginie Amélie Avegno Gautreau. The painting was revealed, and Sargent had painted it with the strap slipped off of her shoulder. This was so scandalous that he fixed it, and the painting we have today shows the strap in place.

Madame X is the first womanly perfume I ever owned. It wasn’t fruity or floral, it had gravitas and encouraged me to see myself differently. I feel womanly, mature, and prepared for any event whenever I wear it.


 Scent is an important part of my life, it is hands down the most useful key to change my state of awareness, put me in mind of an energy or a deity, or a person. I have dozens of perfumes, dozens of essential oils, dozens of incenses. I also have a keen awareness of what to wear when or how a perfume will make me feel, as a matter of fact, I usually choose a scent by how I want to feel that way. Scent is an intimate thing, and an individual one. If you first encountered the scent of violets as you fell off your bike and broke an arm, violets probably remind you of fear and pain, whereas I associate them with idyllic tea parties in Cape Cod. Scent isn’t so easily removed, once I take my clothes off, chances are that I will still smell like a particular perfume. It is an invisible gate between you and the world. It can be a solace, a refuge- many times on public transportation I have smelled my wrist to escape a foul smell. Men have always commented that when I leave their bed, my scent remains, haunting them-for good or ill.

Scent leaves your mark. Make it count.

Food vs Ethics


I was a vegetarian for over 20 years. I started on the road as a pre-teen with the brilliant reasoning that some movie star was one. A lover of animals, I slowly gave up all animal protein. I was always and consistently a vegetarian, and often, would drift into veganism, and back to vegetarianism.

Within the last 3 years, a host of health problems arose. I couldn’t digest anything properly, a tumultuous affair began, and my honey moved in and my soy and wheat gluten consumption went up from once a week to twice a day. I worked at a bakery one summer, and had access to all sorts of free to me wheat products. An ill-fated tumble with poison oak left me with an aggressive systemic reaction. I was on Prednisone for almost 6 months. My body was done. My systems were overloaded.

I went to an herbalist to try and recover some balance. We cut out dairy, gluten, and nightshades. Still, no real difference. We cut out legumes. No help. We added herbs, supplements, nutritious broths that took trips to 4 stores to obtain the ingredients for, and hours of simmering. We tried an endless variety of things, and one day, she looked at me, took my hand and said:

“It may be time for us to re-introduce some animal protein into your diet.’

I cried.

I think that humans eating other animals is wrong. I think me eating animals is unthinkably wrong. But when my fiance came home with the same news, due to a host of different issues, all his own, we bought our first free-range, free of anti-biotics chicken.

We kinda looked at it a while. And because we felt it’s life was sacred, we didn’t want to waste it. We were going to eat it all. We were going to pray over it with fervor and grace. we were going to cry, ok I was.

It sucked. It wasn’t yummy. I didn’t like it, didn’t like the smell or the taste, didn’t like how viscerally I was picking this sweet, innocent bird to pieces. Didn’t like that later it would be a waste product.

There was nothing I liked about it.

It will be a year in June that I am eating animals again. Mostly poultry and a tiny bit of seafood. I can’t stomach pigs or cows nor imagine trying unusual things like venison or buffalo. I feel bad that birds are basically feeling the wrath of my diet, but that’s the truth.

Imagine my dismay when I have discovered, (finally) that my most ideal diet seems to be a grain-free, high protein, heavy on the vegetables and fruit diet.  I feel better, have more energy, eat less, function better, and digest better. My cat is on a grain free, high protein diet  (I find this amusing).

Spiritually, since I’ve recently become far more attuned with my cat totem, it’s come down, that even if I were physically able to forgo meat, I couldn’t because I need to feed the cat within me. Cats cannot safely be vegetarians.


In my heart, I had hoped that I could in time adopt a meat free diet. I knew that this might mean high protein smoothies that tasted like ground up aspirin, and a pound of kale a day, but I didn’t care.  Learning that it is a body and spirit no-no has been really devastating.

I can’t make myself feel better about it. A dead bird is a dead bird, and a dead bird that’s dead to feed me is even worse. I know that “Harm to none” includes myself, and that not eating meat was harming myself, but making myself feel (physically) better at the expense of the lives of others seems like a very flawed plan. It’s also hard for me to grasp that animal protein is necessary for the health of this body.

Everyone says to me, “Even the Dalai Lama eats meat.” This does not make me feel better. *I* am not the Dalai Lama. He makes his choices and I make mine. I do not have to live with his choices, I have to live with mine.

So, I eat the kindest, gentlest, meat that I can. I but from farmers directly when I can, and when I can’t I buy the most natural and humane meat that is available to me. I pray over it, I thank it for it’s life and it’s sacrifice.

I mostly avoid dairy, feeling that my use of animal products have increased in one arena, so I can try and balance it out by reducing it in another.

Do I still push forward pro-animal, pro-vegetarian legislature and ideals? Certainly. Vegetarian Times and Veg News magazines still find their way into my home. I still vote with a vegetarian’s ideals. I still want to be a vegetarian, and I want the animals I do (must?) consume to be treated with kindness and respect, to have their needs met properly *before* they unfortunately and eventually end up on my plate.

This continues to be a difficult path, and a painful choice for me. I understand how people can feel that their bodies have betrayed them. mine has betrayed my ideals and my heart.


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YouTube Video: Important Message From the Bee Nation

Originally posted on Nature Spirit Medicine with Camilla Blossom:

The Bee Ceremony came into being at an urging from the bees themselves.The Bee Nation was asking for help. They are the indicator species for Nature and they are dying in large numbers.

What I recognize now is that they are dying in great numbers—sacrificing their own lives actually—in order that humanity awaken to the importance of caring for and co-creating with Nature.

We are Nature too!

We offered out first ceremony to the bees in Portland, Oregon in May 2013.The ceremony included a death ceremony, or funeral, to honor the fallen bees. The bees wanted this—an honoring of their death.

We told them we saw them, heard them, and honored their sacrifice.

The Queen Bees taught us about feminine leadership and holding the resonance of our hives. We learned how to use our stingers as “lightning” medicine for TRUTH. So we can be stronger in caring with the Earth.

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